Every day of parenthood is bittersweet. This morning I discovered the cause of CA’s newly prolific drooling. A tooth. The very first one. It’s starting to break through on the top. Then I took the baby to her 4 month well visit, where the doctor started talking to me about introducing solid foods. This took me by surprise as I’d waited until 6 months with my first two girls. These are exciting little milestones, but to my surprise they brought me to tears. I got into my car at the pediatrician’s office and wept.
The gummy smile will soon have an intruder. My baby’s body is growing to need more than what just my body can provide. It was only weeks ago that this child was inside me. 18 weeks, but to me it has felt like a only a handful of days.
I’ve never been an outwardly emotional person, but as many of you can surely relate, that changed when I became a mom. I can cry at commercials or songs that I once thought were corny. I honk at the jerk who comes flying through the school zone. I realize that my baby – my last baby, as far as I know – is no longer a newborn and I lose it in the parking lot.
Those two words, last baby, have been ringing in my ears for a year now. They make me pay closer attention than I did with my first – when I was in shock at the fact that I was now a mom, and terrified of making a mistake – and my second daughter – when I was slightly overwhelmed by the challenge of caring for a baby and a 3 year old. To be a parent is to be for your child the personification of love, protection, and safety, and, at the exact same time, give them the skills, confidence, and encouragement to be able to leave you. For a night in the crib, for a day at school, and, one day, forever. This is why every day of parenthood is bittersweet. Today was simply a day when I’ve been more aware of it. This last baby of mine is constantly reminding me to slow down and take it in. Not just with her, but with each of my children.
