Jennifer Mendoza Photography

CM’s not making the best case for getting a puppy or a cat…so far we’ve been through a half a dozen fish and she’s already pushing off the responsibility for the plant her Ninang (tagalog for godmother) gave her onto me after only a few days. Luckily it’s a cactus so it can survive a little neglect.

From Blogger Pictures

From Blogger Pictures

CM comes up with some mind boggling questions. I would be relieved if she would just ask why the sky is blue. Instead it’s “how do clouds make lightning”, “what are magnets made of”, “what makes the earth spin”.

And then there are the truly unanswerable ones…

Like, “Who made God?”
To which she came up with her own answer. With complete confidence, she told me that God made us and we made God. Why didn’t I think of that?

Today at lunch she told me that when she wants to feel peaceful, she prays. Wow. I asked if she meant that she talks to God. She said yes, but not for real, just in her imagination because God isn’t really there. I said nothing. She continued, “because God is dead.” More silence from me. “Because they killed him” she finished with eyebrows raised and a question mark in her voice. I realized she was talking about Jesus because a few days earlier she asked me why “they” killed Jesus. Oh, my. I’m embarassed to recount my clumsy reply.

As I waiver, struggle and strive to understand my own faith and religion, I feel completely incompetent to provide my daughter with answers. Part of me wants to reassure her with confident explanations. But I can not tell her what I do not know. Maybe she’ll figure it out and explain it all to me someday. In the meantime, I’m happy that she has both skeptics and “saints” in her life to help her sort it out.